RAYDON RAMBLINGS SPECIAL

The Green Un Years

Malcolm Baggio has trawled through the archives to bring you some of the best Ramblings exerts from Raydon’s Green Un days when they featured in the Junior Notes.

“Raydon Athletic (sponsored by Derek’s Decorating Services). Goalkeeper Jason Gooseflesh missed last week’s match as a result of one of the most bizarre injuries a footballer is likely to sustain. Apparently, one of his young sons slammed the piano lid shut when he was in the middle of playing, breaking four of his fingers.”
Appeared in the Green Un Junior Notes 19th December 1998

“Injured goalkeeper Jason Gooseflesh was so frustrated at stand-in keeper Andy Slipper’s incompetence that he insisted coming on to replace him at half time despite his broken fingers. Five minutes into the second half he made a superb fingertip save to deny Southwold a fourth goal but caused himself so much pain in the process that Slipper had to come back on to replace him. Southwold scored a further six goals, at least three of which were down to goalkeeping errors.”
Appeared in the Green Un Junior Notes 9th January 1999

“Things went pear-shaped at half time when competent makeshift keeper, Saul Quan had a call on his mobile phone from his wife to say that she had locked herself out of the house. Quan had to rush off to let her in and the hapless Andy Slipper had to go in goal. Within 20 minutes Wenham had clawed their way back from 0-4 to 4-4 thanks to some horrific goalkeeping from Slipper who’s handling of the ball suggested that he had smeared his gloves with Vaseline.”
Appeared in the Green Un Junior Notes 23rd January 1999

“Many thanks to Elaine Funtingdale for reluctantly running the line during the second half.”
Appeared in the Green Un Junior Notes 30th January 1999.

“The kick off was delayed after goalkeeper Jason Gooseflesh somehow managed to get his legs tangled up in the goal nets whilst messing around during the pre-match warm up.”
Appeared in the Green Un Junior Notes 20th February 1999.

“As a Flatford player pumped a free-kick into the Raydon box, Chipaway thought he heard the referee blow his whistle for offside and caught the ball thus conceding a penalty which Flatford duly converted. The whistle had in fact been blown by some youths who were fooling around on the playground adjacent to the pitch and Chipaway had to be restrained by team mates as he attempted to confront them”
Appeared in the Green Un Junior Notes 27th February 1999

“Lionel Stubbs arrived at last week’s match with Thetford Foresters with the team’s long awaited new kit. Unfortunately he had made an error on the order form which resulted in Raydon’s new maroon shirts being accompanied by bright orange shorts and green socks. After a lengthy debate before the game, the players decided that the kit would give them a unique identity so they stuck with it, much to the amusement of the opposition who ridiculed them when they emerged from the changing room."
Appeared in the Green Un Junior Notes 3rd April 1999

“Raydon were shocked when they arrived at their ground for last week’s match to discover that the goals were missing. After much consultation with opponents, Dunwich Hawks, it was agreed that cones could be used as goal posts.”

“Jean Pierre Duvall had to be stretched off after falling onto one of the cones and bruising his ribs. The decision was taken to replace the cones with sweatshirts.”

“It emerged that the reason the goals were missing was that groundsman, Lionel Stubbs had taken them home to give them a lick of paint, not realising the team had a match.”
Last 3 exerts from same article, Green Un Junior Notes 17th April 1999.

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