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| 29) TWTD Issue 89 Raydon Beer Festival Review |
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| Written by Daniel Harvey And James Powell | ||||||
| Monday, 29 October 2007 | ||||||
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Dedicated Raydon Athletic sports reporter Malcolm Baggio was given the task of reporting on their first ever beer festival. Unfortunately it turns out he has a delayed allergy to real ale. So although he was able to supply us with a detailed report on all the beers he was able to sample, (which he typed on his laptop as the evening progressed), he woke up the next day to find his head had swollen to the size of a large pumpkin and he couldn’t feel his index fingers.
Malcolm had to be hospitalised overnight where he contracted MRSA. After a further two weeks in hospital he was hit by a reversing ambulance outside the hospital whilst waiting for his wife to pick him up to take him home. He has since contracted MRSA again and then absent mindedly drunk a can of real ale his mate Dave snuck into his ward which has triggered his allergy again. Basically he’s been ill for ages so hasn’t been to any of Raydon’s matches but we thought we’d publish his beer festival tasting notes anyway to fill the space up. Everyone at Raydon wishes Malcolm a swift recovery. Raydon Athletic Beer Festival Review
Raydon held their first annual beer festival during September in a large marquee erected on their Clockton Park ground. The event attracted people from as far away as the outskirts of Raydon and was a huge financial success, raising umpteen pounds which will be carefully stored away in the clubs coffers. Local band Putrid Gangrene were hired to appear at the three day event, their unique brand of death thrash folk and jazzed up punk / soul providing punters with an intriguing musical distraction from the business of getting totally and utterly wankered. Their 25 minute medley of nursery rhymes entwined with Iron Maiden classics proved a real hit with the kids and heavy-metal freaks alike, Here’s a review of the beers available at the festival: Hamster’s Minge by Cobblers’ Bonce 4.2778% A nutty infusion of fruity undertones with a hint of honeysuckle and a nuance of winter meadow. Perfect accompaniment to a bowl of liver. Treggler’s Beck by Cobblers’ Bonce 5.1% An initial citrus tanginess is all too quickly replaced by a distinctive citrus tangy aftertaste. Features a hint of rosemary that is so subtle that it is untastable to the naked taste bud. St Yarmouth’s Crevice by Fingering’s 9.2% Romper’s hops are blended with finest Essex rose petal and bovril and augmented with a hint of poppy to create this deep, rich, soupy ale. Ideally washed down with a glass of water or milk. Auld Nobblers Boulangerie by Fingering’s 14.2% Brewed in the petrol tank of an old Ford Cortina for added ruggedness, this ale combines a distinctive acorn consideration with a massive afterthought of rum. Frisky Yasmin by Dunstable’s of Dunstable 3.2% Take some Bintringford’s hops and entwine them with a meandering of finest Romanian honey to create this light subtle session ale that accommodates some overbearing tropical fruity notes. Tartan Todger by Twinkling’s 8.4% Twinkling’s have pulled a masterstroke by teasing this rich Golden Ale from a combination of barley and pine, brewed for three years to really squeeze every avenue of flavour out of the ingredients. Sodomy’s Revenge by St Plonkton’s 5.0% Finest barley and rye extract is chemically fused with apricot residue to create a bulshiness of lavender and a coy suggestion of summer evenings spent yachting in the Mediterranean. Twittering Dildo by Dame Shaughnessy’s 4.8% Initially a nonchalant, meditative ale, reminding one, perhaps, of nestling on the branch of an old English Oak tree in the middle of a tranquil copse until whack!!! – apples, hazelnuts, bananas, raisins, coconuts, sultanas! Cannibalistic Fuzz - smooth flow by Porcupine of the North 7.2% A friendly, welcoming ale that embraces ones taste buds like a long lost relative. Kris Akabussi’s Golden Droplet by Dwithby Sykes 4.333 recurring % This is the next instalment in the Dwithby Sykles Celebrity Ale series, following on from Timmy Mallett’s Creamy Squirt and David Hasslehoff’s Dastardly Snout. Features a gigantic oomph of coriander, finished off with a delicate drizzling of foam. PS – Raydon Manager Roland Peters informed us via eleven text messages that Raydon have made a rampant start to the season with six consecutive victories including notable wins against Aston Carlton Colvilla (8-1 away) and Charlton Histon Town (6-0 home). However they were knocked out of the Flatford Mill Tearooms Cup by lower league Dunwich Longshore Drifters 8-2. This defeat came the day after the beer festival which many of the Raydon players attended after a memo from Chairman Lionel Stubbs suggested it would be good public relations to be seen a club function. He hadn’t thought ahead to the negative public relations resulting from local people seeing the hideously hung-over players haphazardly staggering around, vomiting. Indeed the Raydon players set a record in the game for the “most vomit ever expelled by a football team during a match” with a total of 24 pints despatched over the Clockton Park pitch. Stubbs himself paid for this oversight as, being club Groundsman, he had to spend 4 hours after the game, blasting all the sick to the side of the pitch with a pressure hose, scooping it up with a trowel and then disposing of it in the sink in the club bar which involved forcing the larger chunks of vomit – predominantly carrot although there was evidence of Jack Funtingdate’s pre-match pork scratchings in the mix - down the plug hole with his fingers (the toilets were out of order due to a blockage caused by a dead otter).  Add as favourites (124) | Views: 1141 | E-mail
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